Tuesday, October 20, 2009

With phones, you make the call!

Ever stop and wonder what "the point" is? Ever question the validity of your existence? Ever feel that sense of general despair gnawing at the pit of your soul? Buy something! You'll feel better.

A few weeks ago I walked to the Warehouse in town intending to buy a cup as a replacement for the one I shattered while pretending to be Chris Martin. I was doing my best to stay focused and actually come home with a cup when I spotted a rack of reduced plus-sized tops. My brain got excited. Naturally, since ill-fitting clothing I’m going to wear not-as-intended is exactly what I need more of in my life. Obviously impulsive Rachel won out (doesn't she always?) or I wouldn't be writing this post.

Top as a dress! Top as a dress! What’s more exciting than a top as a dress? No, I can't take a decent picture.

It is awfully short but I’m young now and I’ve been told my pins are my best feature. I’m quite keen on the print- it’s hippie without the I-don’t-shower-on-days-for-end vibe. The navy looks great with black (Yes, yes, yes black and navy go together!) And it goes well with my cool-kids-only jean jacket. Although, every time I try to wear my jean jacket I get too cold and start shivering, which makes it hard to feel like a bad-ass rebel. I guess that’s the universe’s way of gently reminding me that I’m not cool and never will be. You cannot make milk into cheese.

Of course, I do occasionally worry that this consumerism lifestyle is actively destroying my sense of global responsibility so I make it a point to keep receipts. It’s okay because I can totally return this!

What do you think? Should I return it? I'm not going to figure out how to do a poll now so it's gimme answers in the comments section time!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Kiwi Food of the Week

This week’s food of the week is a beverage, an artform, a ritual which reveals the unspoken social divisions within the societies that use it. It is a fascinating subject for social scientists of all backgrounds because of the discussions it engenders about the nature of race, class, gender, and ethnicity. This post discusses none of that. It was knocked up on a coke-high at one am in a pikered attempt to fulfil both food of the week and Carolyn’s request before studying for finals. (Hence the lack of research or pictures.) I’d apologize, but this blog has seen enough “sorry!” to fill…lots of mugs.

Tea

Oh Kiwis, they love their tea. You know, 'cause they're British. Or Asian. Or Indian. Point is, they like a good cuppa. (good intro, right?) When I asked you guys what I should write about in a cheap bid for inspiration a few weeks ago, Carolyn said I should write about tea since I refered to myself as a "tea drinker." Well, that's not strictly true...

That was true, once . But that was a long time ago. Back when I woke up stiff and shivering to a frost-coated winterscape. Back when I felt a strange sort of kinship with the makers of jumpin jammerz. Oh, those were dark days indeed. I’d do anything for a bit of heat. Taking a shower made me feel like some sort of crazed heroine addict. Just thirty seconds more. A minute longer. Five more minutes. Can this go hotter? Oh, my skin is burning! Anything for a fix.

It was in this desperate state that tea entered my life. I’d see Lisa and Sanna happily sipping their steaming mugs and think, “Why not me? Why can’t I have tea too? Isn’t it Rachel’s turn for fulfilment?” I don’t like tea, I know this, but it only seemed right that’d I’d have something hot and steamy to wake up to. So I went to the store. Carolyn, you wanted to know what kinds of tea there are here. So many! It’s a glorious sight really- a whole aisle full! Teas made of and for everything. Herbal, medicinal, ones with fruits and flowers I'd never heard of. I felt intimidated and very American. I picked golden kiwi and vanilla-flavoured since the novelty of kiwi-flavoured food hadn’t worn off yet.

I managed to make myself excited when I got home and opened the box. (Surprise!) It smelled so wonderful I thought maybe, just maybe it would taste good. It didn’t. It tasted like tea. I don’t like tea. I don’t know how many times I have to prove it to myself but I just don’t like it. I suppose part of the problem is that I think I ought to, given my love of British culture and bizarre food combinations. Tea goes with my self image. But not my actual tastes. So, I drank it, indifferently, for twenty straight mornings until there were no more bags. When the box ran out my tryst with tea ended. Sure, I could try another flavour, another brand, but what’s the point? I think the problem is me. Sanna did tell me I make my tea the wrong way, “like the English” (Dumping hot water from the tap over the tea bag) Apparently the water doesn’t get hot enough this way. The burn on my forearm disagrees with her. It probably doesn’t help that I used to eat bags of tea during all-nighters back in high school. I cannot think of an adverb that describes how strongly I don’t advise this. I hysterically advise against this. I mean, I doubt too many other people would willingly try this, but, seriously, don’t.

There, I'm done. And I'm not even going to think about my blog until finals are over so I hope you've had your fill. Don't be greedy for the verse.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Kiwi Words of the Week

Cautionary note: Since I can't be "on" all the time and because I believe this topic deserves reverence, I will attempt to be serious. That means no dumb puns, or, God help me, Boosh references. Here it goes:
Molly requested I write about The Maori. I hardly feel qualified to do this, but I would certainly be misrepresenting Kiwi slang by ignoring the huge impact the Maori language has on New Zealand English. Like so many cultures affected by British colonialization, the Maori find their own language disapearing. Something like nine percent of Maori adults can actually speak Maori conversationally. The national government has taken measures too, using Maori terms in government documents and printing public service announcements in English and Maori. Since Maori is an official language of New Zealand, university students are allowed to submmit assignments in Maori if they wish. As I've cautioned, I'm no expert, but the following are terms that all Kiwis seem to know and use.

Te Reo Maor: The Maori Language

Aotearoa: "Land of the Long White Cloud" Maori name for New Zealand. I won a crappy t-shirt for

knowing this. I read a book in which the author virulently contested this translation but it's also partof the collective Kiwi general knowledge so I'm not going to bother with his argument.

Some history might be helpful here. Relatively speaking, the Maori haven't been here too long - only about 700 years (New Zealand was the last significant landmass to be inhabited). By most accounts, the first people to set foot in what would become New Zealand were a group of Polynesians in ocean-going canoes (waka) around 1300 AD. Or much later, or much sooner- there's a heaps of debate about this. There's also a lot of debate as to whether these first visitors were actively searching for a large landmass or simply lost. Whatever the case, their first perceptions of the New Zealand coast must have been as a long white cloud, hence the name.

Haka "to ignite the breath" This deserves its own post, really. You can watch the All Blacks (national rugby team) performing their famed version here.

Iwi "bones" This term is probably best understood as "clan" or "tribe" but to really understand iwi you have to understand the concept of whakapapa, Maori genealogy. Iwi is the largest everyday social unit but it can even be extended further to distinguish between the descendents of each of the original voyagers . While explaining whakapapa to the class, our Maori lecturer told us "In my iwi, it is said that if you can't trace your whakapapa back to the original waka, you are descended from a horse!" Horse didn't exisit in New Zealand until they were introduced in the late 18th century by European settlers. (Actually, there are no large, indigenous mammals.) So that's quite an insult. Zing!

Kia ora "be well/healthy" Hi! An informal greeting which can also signify agreement of gratitude. Most of my lecturers begin class with it. Since I'm hopelessly Pakeha I still can't pronounce it correctly. I reckon the closest people like me can get is saying "kee or uh" as quickly as possible.

Pakeha: Maori word for a non-Maori. "Pakeha" is similar to the hispanic word "gringo" in that its meaning and offensiveness really depends on the context and user. Like gringo, Pakeha usually refers to white people, but this isn't the only meaning. It can refer specifically to New Zealand-born white people of European descent when contrasted with indigenous Maori. Or it can mean white people in New Zealand in general, or more broadly, anyone who isn't Maori. As can be expected, there's some controversy surrounding the term but my lecturers use it so I'm going to assume most people don't take offense.

Arguments over etymology give you a good idea of some of the upset over the term. Some claim it's derived from a combination of the Maori word for pig, poaka, and flea, keha, though this is

unlikely. Others believe it is derived from the Maori word for stranger/foreigner which is the basis for most of the Pakeha-lead protests since the word then implies that they are outsiders in the country they were born in. However, the most popular interpretation traces the term back to Pakepakeha, "Mythical, human like being, with fair skin and hair who possessed canoes made of reeds which changed magically into sailing vessels." If you're interested, this paper gives a much more thorough explanation.

If you're just interested in pronouncing it properly, I'd go with "paw kay haw."

Whakapapa: I'm not going to attempt to define this one. Wikipedia does a bang-up job anyway:

"Whakapapa is a fundamental principle that permeates the whole of Māori culture. However, it is more than just a genealogical 'device'. It is in fact a paradigm of cultural discourse and provides the basis for establishing, enhancing, and even challenging relationships between individuals, whanau (families), hapu (local tribal entities), and iwi (regional tribal bodies)."

Wahanu "to give birth" Usually interpreted to mean "extended family" although government use in public service announcements seems to apply it more to the Western nuclear family. But maybe that's just me.

I think wahanu is a good illustration of the interrelatedness of Polynesian languages. Phoenetically, it's quite similar to Hawaiian's "ohana."

Goodness me! That was educational. If you're truly interested in in this subject, I recommend 100 Maori words every New Zealander should know. There's quite a few important terms I've skipped but I'll happily do another post like this if you guys enjoyed it. And since I can't help myself: