I promise to do a real update in the morning. When I wake up morning, not 2 AM right now morning.

I know, I know, I'm behind again. I was getting a tad upset about the paucity of comments but you guys have delivered so it's time for me to return the favor. I thought I'd start by writing about an adventure, since I think I might have had one today and this blog is supposed to be about my adventures anyway. But I have some questions first. Do you guys care about the food of the week posts? Because I think of little else, it's hard for me to conceive of anyone not caring about New Zealand delicacies but judging by the number of comments I generally receive about Food of the Week, you guys don't seem so interested. What about Word of the Week? Even though this mostly blog is self-indulgent, I intend it be for y'all and I really do want you guys to enjoy it. If you'd rather I write about something else, please let me know. I don't act like it, but I am capable of considering other people from time to time.

This post is to let you know that I'm aware I'm once again behind but I'm working on it! Just give me some sweet time.

EDIT or UPDATE or whatever bloggers are supposed to say when they revise posts:

I took this post down so no one would get confused about the ordering and miss last week's word of the week. A little bird told me another bossier little bird was upset I deleted it (and all the comments that came with it). Of course I did not delete it! Your comments are what make this blog worthwhile. And I'm sure as Steve not gonna delete any comments with flattery or ill-advised permission to do "what I feel like."

Since I'm going to guess you've all seen the profanity post by now, this one goes back up. I'm very nearly finished with the next post, but in the mean time, you can look at the new photos I've added to my Picaso web album.

Cheers,

Rachel

Kiwi Words of the Week

I doubt you noticed or cared that there was no word of the week last week. Or the week before that. Or the week before that. Even so, I care and I'm determined to make it up to you! Therefore, this week's word of the week is actually going to be three words, all relating to a subject I find deeply fascinating:

Bugger, Stuff You and Struth:

Zealand Prophanity

Bugger: Like much of Kiwi English, New Zealand slang is greatly influenced by British English. "Bugger" is a prime example. It's definitely British is origin, but it's an important part of the Kiwi lexicon. I think it's closest in meaning and offensiveness to to "damn" in America. Hardly offensive, but an indication that you'd really like to say something foul. It's a step up from "Well, goodness me!" (or Gee whiz! in American) but far more polite than...well, a lot of things, really. Despite its apparent mildness, its use in the infamous Toyota commercial back in '99 (click on the picture!) cause quite a bit of "controvo" (controversy).

In the interest of journalistic integrity, I asked my Niuen flatmate, Lili, about "bugger". Lili has lived in New Zealand for two years but she's spoken Kiwi English for since she was seven so I'm counting her as a proper authority. She said it might be offensive "to some." Like her grandmother who once gave her brother "a hiney" (spanking) for saying it .
Alternative versions:
buggered: exhausted
bugger all: very little (to know bugger all)
bugger off (or naff/raff off): get lost!


Stuff You! Or, alternatively, "get stuffed!" If you spend your
free time obsessively watching the same contemporary British sitcoms as I do, you'll know that "stuff you" was born and still thrives in merry old Britain. But, like a loveable London tramp, it has wandered, working its way into the hearts of New Zealanders along the way. It's also the only Kiwi slang prominently feature in Flight of the Conchords (that I can think of off the top of my head). Click of the picture to see what I mean!


Strewth: I hope I haven't given you the impression that New Zealand culture is entirely derived from Britainia. Assuredly, Kiwis are an industrious, inventive people. They build their own houses, grow their own food and fix just about anything with a bit of number-eight wire and hard yakka. They can very well make their own swears without bossy Britain's help, thank you!
"Strewth" is an example of this. Strewth, or rather "s'truth" is an abbreviation of "God's truth." Of course, this means it's likely a result of British-imported Anglicanism, but that's speculation. From the minimal amount of research I've done, I can safely say it's as Kiwi as marmite.
It's a good all-around swear for venting frustration but it can also mean "honestly." As in,
"Did you chuck the bin bags out the back?"
"Weren't me, mate. Strewth! Musta been the dodgy chippy!"


...and of course, no discussion of swearing would be complete without mentioning the big three: ass, shit and f@ck (which I'm deeming too offensive for the family-friendly blog). Shit is shit but ass is arse, which tickles me to no end. Especially when it's made into a compound noun: "smart-arsed" or in the phrase "He's the whole sheep's arse" (said about someone who's funny). The f-word is as popular here as it is anywhere, but in the true spirit of Kiwi inventiveness, Kiwis have created their own, New Zealand-specific applications. I think sheepf@cker is my favorite. Although, it should be noted, this is as often said about them rather than by them. If you're over eighteen, click here to see some classic New Zealand/Australia banter. If you're not eighteen click here, Also, I apologize for being a morally destructive influence in your life.

The Best Kind of Prize is a SUR-prise!

Yesterday was special. Know why, know WHY? Three months ago yesterday Molly posted For Libbie: Rachel's Fantastic Adventures's first blog entry:

The Beginning of something potentially life changing for my readers

Hi Everyone,My name is Rachel and I am going to New Zealand! man my life is so awesome. Well it is a lot better than yours LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Hmmmm... well your probably wondering a little bit about me and my awesome life. To start off, I am a straight A student. I firmly belive that receiving anyother grade shows that you are a complete failure at life, with no potential for ANY improvement.

Aww, thanks Molly! To celebrate my quarter-year "blogversary" I thought I'd write about something I know my readers will be interested in: themselves. I'd like to think the beginning of this blog marked a turning point in my life, even if I don't know it yet. Perhaps this blog is the start of something grand; perhaps it will lead me places I've never even dared to dream about before. Yes sir, we are going places! I feel the same way about my relationships with you, dear readers. Meeting and befriending each one of you has played a crucial role in my development as a human being. Some of you way more than others, obviously, but I'll let you guess which one you are. So, to commemorate this most important of events, I'd like to take this opportunity to reminisce about my beginnings with y'all.

Carolyn: My first clear memory of you is one you should be ashamed about. I was taking a bath in Mom and Dad's bedroom, minding my own business, completely vulnerable. You ran in the room, screaming, and threw a glass of water on me you dyed bright green with food coloring. I don't remember exactly how I felt (probably annoyed and slightly amused) but I do remember how much trouble you got in. In the end, I remember thinking I won in that situation because you had to apologize to me and clean the tub (which you stained) and I wasn't even that mad. Ha- ha!
And since I know you're going to bring this up, I'll beat you to it and apologize for locking you in the trunk of the car when I was seven. I didn't mean to and I said I was sorry! Probably a hundred times by now. Let's both move on.

Courtney: Oh Courtney, you know what I though about you the first time I met you. In case you don't know, I first met Courtney when I was forced to sit next to her during a summer art class. I was upset about this because Courtney spent the whole hour mocking children for liking children's television programming. I remember thinking, "It's so pathetic that people our age (12) still act like this." That was seven years ago and all I can say is: not much has changed, has it?

I think my first memory of us as friends is you freaking out in the Stapley girl's bathroom during NAL practice. You lied about doing those AIMS computer exercises and got caught by that effeminate computer lab guy who informed Ms. Floerchinger. You were afraid to tell me this because you thought she was hiding in the pipes, listening to our conversation.
Or maybe it was when I told you how upset Ms. Florechinger was about that racially-insensitive story "someone" (you) wrote about Mexicans making tamales to throw at the president. I wish I knew how to instill fear in you like that woman.

Kaitlyn: I hope you're not too insulted I don't remember meeting you for the first time. Sorry! You probably dazzled me, so it's not really my fault. I do remember how shocked I was when you came over to our house and repeatedly called Carolyn a "whore." Catty, shocking, and deliciously provocative. I knew I liked you.
And then you told Carolyn, "If you touch that [my beloved pet turtle Tony] we won't be friends anymore." I guess you're lucky you're a beautiful person (physically) living in a society that judges looks to be more important than kindness to animals and other small creatures, like children. Otherwise I might have to look past your sparkling exterior and decide if I like the person inside.

Libbie: I remember meeting you perfectly. I was, as usual, besides myself with excitement. Everyone on AcDec was thrilled to have you and Courtney told me how cool and funny and stylish you were and showed me the comment you wrote in her yearbook. I thought I was going to have to wait until AcDec sixth hour to meet you, but I was wrong! For the first
few days of our senior year, we had English together first hour. On the first day, Mr. Robinson had the class go pick up that ginormous packet of vocab words. I was last in line and the girl in front of me got hers and then turned to me. "Here." she said, smiling, and handed me a packet. I remember thinking, "That's the sort of casually friendly thing normal, sociable people do. I'm totally going to try that next time!" Then we sat back down and Mr. Robinson called the roll. Oh Libbie, you were that girl! When I heard him call your name, I thought, "Wow! That's Libbie Henrie- and she's super nice!" And then I got mad at myself because I couldn't remember what your face looked like and I NEEDED to know right then. So I spent the rest of the hour trying to stare at you discretely. But you never turned in my direction.

My next memory of you is a few weeks later, in Mr. Eply's room where we had those economics lessons. I walked in late to hear you mocking a certain someone under the pretense of joking. But I knew better, I could feel your hatred because it was a twin version of my own. Even if I couldn't articulate it then, I think I knew you were destined to become an integral part of my life and well-being, like Simon Pegg or Arrested Development.

Molly: I think my first memory of you is from when we were about three. I very clearly remember coloring a picture with you in a corner of the living room. We were coloring in secret, on the lower shelf of the end table that's now in the den. I think the picture was for Mom's birthday. I remember telling you, "This is for Mom so it has to be really pretty." As in, only use purple and pink crayons to make a giant ugly scribble. Happy Birthday, Mom!

Kiwi Food of the Week

I was very excited to try this week's food of the week because it is an authentic New Zealand invention, "as Kiwi as jandals or the Haka" according to it's manufacturers.

"Pineapple Lumps"

Perhaps I'm delusional, but I like to think I'm in the majority of people in not automatically associating the word "lumps" with "something delicious I can't wait to put in my mouth." But in this, as in all things, Kiwis are unconventional. According to Pascall, the preeminent candy company here, pineapple lumps are "Exactly as they sound, Pineapple Lumps are indeed bite size lumps of pineapple coated in delicious chocolate. A national treasure, the Pineapple Lump was created right here in New Zealand in 1935 and has been a huge favourite ever since." They were also given to New Zealand directly by God.

This is the candy I mentioned eating on the beach in Piahai. I wanted something perfectly Kiwi
to capture the moment. I was having trouble deciding between pineapple lumps or eclairs (another popular candy) when the friendly store clerk told me, "there's nothing better" than good ol' lumps. Sadly, I have to disagree with her which is shame because she was super, super nice like every store clerk in New Zealand. The "pineapple" is not dried pineapple, like I'd assumed, but a kind of pineapple-flavored...sugar mass. The texture is hard to describe, it's unlike any candy I've had before. They're gooier than the brittle Now-and-Laters but not creamy like taffy. I guess they really are one of a kind, like the
back of the bag said. The flavor is unpleasant in that artificial fruit flavor sort of way. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh because I was so disappointed. I'd hoped they'd be delicious so I could bring them back to you, Molly, as a present since I seem to recall you have a fondness for dried pineapple. (or is that Slughorn? Oh dear, how I am wont to mix up the pair of you!) After all, it would be very un-Kiwi of me not to give them a "fair go" and at least try another brand, you know, for journalistic research purposes.

I think the store lady was right about pineapple lumps being better than eclairs, though. I bought some hazelnut-flavored ones today (journalistic research purposes!) and they were terrible. Just like those crappy individually-wrapped toffees you get at Halloween. I mean, I ate the whole bag but I didn't enjoy it.

I'm like a chocoholic, but with booze

...in case you were hold your breath, fretting about the results of my ginger beer experiment, you can rest easy. It worked, sort of. I thought it tasted terrible, like a yeasty, ginger-y carbonated lemonade. But everyone said it was nice. I think they were just being polite. Half the bottle was left over and it's been sitting in the fridge for a week. I'm going to throw it out.

But everyone did seem to enjoy my hot pumpkin (bread) I served with it. Pumpkins are everywhere here, even the little supermarkettes next to gas stations and liquor stores usually have them. This recipe from my beloved Alton Brown inspired me to buy one. (No it didn't- I wanted an excuse to use the above clip in a post. Please watch it, please! It has two of my favorite Boosh jokes in the span of a minute. And Noel Fielding looks so beautiful...)

Unlike American pumpkins, the skin is pale green and hard-as to cut through, as evidenced by this picture. But once you cross that physical boundary, they're wonderfully fragrant- almost like cantaloupe.

Update!

I decided to give my ginger beer another try before I chucked it in tha bin. Hooya, am I glad I did. It's way better than I remember. I'd even say it's yum. Maybe it improves with age or maybe all the yeast and ginger bits stuck to the side of the bottle mellowed the flavor. Whatever the reason, I'm absolutely making it when I get home and insisting y'a ll try it. So get your AA sponsor to sign a note if you're not interested because this party animal won't take "I have blood sugar problem" for an answer.

Open Letter to Carolyn and anyone else who expected me to have my act together.

Would it help if I said I was sorry? I know, I know- I promised to have more entries. I don't know what's wrong with me. ( Although I enjoy speculating). Inexcusable. It's just that I've a serious case of writer's block I started watching Withnail and I to get inspired but I just ended up watching a good part of it. You can watch all of it ony youtube, but this is my favorite part. It's far more entertaining than anything you're going to read here, anyway.
It's late and I'm tired (too tired to find a good "sorry" quote for the title) so I'm turning this back on you guys, my five readers: Tell me what to write about! If you keep your requests legal, I'll do my best to honor them. Maybe.
I'm setting my alarm for early tomorrow, even though it's Saturday. Hopefully some magic will happen.
Ta for now,
Rachel

Kiwi Word of the Week

To compliment the Kiwi Food of the Week, this week's word is...

"Scull"

Like ginger beer, the term "scull" is also a relic of New Zealand's British past, probably. The exact etymology is contested but it seems to be British in origin1. The act of sculling, drinking beer as fast as you can, is a worldwide phenomenon, of course, but appears especially popular here. I'd wager it's even more popular than the iconic ginger beer, given New Zealand's well-documented drinking problem. The American equivalent, "chug" is an exact synonym. Both refer to drinking (any) beverage rapidly "in one go." However, my experience has taught me that if you're chugging/sculling a beverage, it's likely beer. And if it's beer, you're likely a Kiwi.

If you'd like to take a piss around the world, there are some things you ought to know. Subtle differences in meaning, even unspoken gestures can make or break your ability to communicate safely and effectively in a new culture. For example, if you and a beer find yourself surrounded by wild-eyed youths excitedly screaming a chant at you while pounding their fists, your life could be in danger. Or they might just want you to "down it". Context will help you determine which, but if you're still uncertain, I've complied a list of "chug" equivalents to help you out. None of them are verified.

Good ol' USA: chug/slam/pound, as in, "Pound that beer! Slam it! Down in one! WHOOOOO!"

Scandanavia: Skoal

Japan: Ikki! Ikki!

New Zealand Australia: scull as in, "Giz a squiz at that hoon sculling that stubby!"

Britain: Quaff/neck it, as in, "I say to you sir,

Canada: Shotgun- this refers to making hole in the the can and drinking the spilled beer as quickly as possible. Oh Canada, you find a way to make chugging beer even less classy.

1 After actually doing research, I realized that this is not likely. Scull is probably derived from the Swedish word skoal which actually refers to the cup being drunk from. It's got nothing to do with the rowing term "scull" which is why I assumed it was British, as much of Kiwi slang is. But I'll be damned if I'm thinking of another segue. I'm too beautiful for that.

"Ah've spilt more ale darn me waistcoat than 'ee's supped t'night!"