Kiwi Food of the Week

I was very excited to try this week's food of the week because it is an authentic New Zealand invention, "as Kiwi as jandals or the Haka" according to it's manufacturers.

"Pineapple Lumps"

Perhaps I'm delusional, but I like to think I'm in the majority of people in not automatically associating the word "lumps" with "something delicious I can't wait to put in my mouth." But in this, as in all things, Kiwis are unconventional. According to Pascall, the preeminent candy company here, pineapple lumps are "Exactly as they sound, Pineapple Lumps are indeed bite size lumps of pineapple coated in delicious chocolate. A national treasure, the Pineapple Lump was created right here in New Zealand in 1935 and has been a huge favourite ever since." They were also given to New Zealand directly by God.

This is the candy I mentioned eating on the beach in Piahai. I wanted something perfectly Kiwi
to capture the moment. I was having trouble deciding between pineapple lumps or eclairs (another popular candy) when the friendly store clerk told me, "there's nothing better" than good ol' lumps. Sadly, I have to disagree with her which is shame because she was super, super nice like every store clerk in New Zealand. The "pineapple" is not dried pineapple, like I'd assumed, but a kind of pineapple-flavored...sugar mass. The texture is hard to describe, it's unlike any candy I've had before. They're gooier than the brittle Now-and-Laters but not creamy like taffy. I guess they really are one of a kind, like the
back of the bag said. The flavor is unpleasant in that artificial fruit flavor sort of way. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh because I was so disappointed. I'd hoped they'd be delicious so I could bring them back to you, Molly, as a present since I seem to recall you have a fondness for dried pineapple. (or is that Slughorn? Oh dear, how I am wont to mix up the pair of you!) After all, it would be very un-Kiwi of me not to give them a "fair go" and at least try another brand, you know, for journalistic research purposes.

I think the store lady was right about pineapple lumps being better than eclairs, though. I bought some hazelnut-flavored ones today (journalistic research purposes!) and they were terrible. Just like those crappy individually-wrapped toffees you get at Halloween. I mean, I ate the whole bag but I didn't enjoy it.