The Beginning of something potentially life changing for my readers
Hi Everyone,My name is Rachel and I am going to New Zealand! man my life is so awesome. Well it is a lot better than yours LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Hmmmm... well your probably wondering a little bit about me and my awesome life. To start off, I am a straight A student. I firmly belive that receiving anyother grade shows that you are a complete failure at life, with no potential for ANY improvement.
Aww, thanks Molly! To celebrate my quarter-year "blogversary" I thought I'd write about something I know my readers will be interested in: themselves. I'd like to think the beginning of this blog marked a turning point in my life, even if I don't know it yet. Perhaps this blog is the start of something grand; perhaps it will lead me places I've never even dared to dream about before. Yes sir, we are going places! I feel the same way about my relationships with you, dear readers. Meeting and befriending each one of you has played a crucial role in my development as a human being. Some of you way more than others, obviously, but I'll let you guess which one you are. So, to commemorate this most important of events, I'd like to take this opportunity to reminisce about my beginnings with y'all.
Carolyn: My first clear memory of you is one you should be ashamed about. I was taking a bath in Mom and Dad's bedroom, minding my own business, completely vulnerable. You ran in the room, screaming, and threw a glass of water on me you dyed bright green with food coloring. I don't remember exactly how I felt (probably annoyed and slightly amused) but I do remember how much trouble you got in. In the end, I remember thinking I won in that situation because you had to apologize to me and clean the tub (which you stained) and I wasn't even that mad. Ha- ha!
And since I know you're going to bring this up, I'll beat you to it and apologize for locking you in the trunk of the car when I was seven. I didn't mean to and I said I was sorry! Probably a hundred times by now. Let's both move on.
Courtney: Oh Courtney, you know what I though about you the first time I met you. In case you don't know, I first met Courtney when I was forced to sit next to her during a summer art class. I was upset about this because Courtney spent the whole hour mocking children for liking children's television programming. I remember thinking, "It's so pathetic that people our age (12) still act like this." That was seven years ago and all I can say is: not much has changed, has it?
I think my first memory of us as friends is you freaking out in the Stapley girl's bathroom during NAL practice. You lied about doing those AIMS computer exercises and got caught by that effeminate computer lab guy who informed Ms. Floerchinger. You were afraid to tell me this because you thought she was hiding in the pipes, listening to our conversation.
Or maybe it was when I told you how upset Ms. Florechinger was about that racially-insensitive story "someone" (you) wrote about Mexicans making tamales to throw at the president. I wish I knew how to instill fear in you like that woman.
Kaitlyn: I hope you're not too insulted I don't remember meeting you for the first time. Sorry! You probably dazzled me, so it's not really my fault. I do remember how shocked I was when
you came over to our house and repeatedly called Carolyn a "whore." Catty, shocking, and deliciously provocative. I knew I liked you.
And then you told Carolyn, "If you touch that [my beloved pet turtle Tony] we won't be friends anymore." I guess you're lucky you're a beautiful person (physically) living in a society that judges looks to be more important than kindness to animals and other small creatures, like children. Otherwise I might have to look past your sparkling exterior and decide if I like the person inside.
Libbie: I remember meeting you perfectly. I was, as usual, besides myself with excitement. Everyone on AcDec was thrilled to have you and Courtney told me how cool and funny and stylish you were and showed me the comment you wrote in her yearbook. I thought I was going to have to wait until AcDec sixth hour to meet you, but I was wrong! For the first
few days of our senior year, we had English together first hour. On the first day, Mr. Robinson had the class go pick up that ginormous packet of vocab words. I was last in line and the girl in front of me got hers and then turned to me. "Here." she said, smiling, and handed me a packet. I remember thinking, "That's the sort of casually friendly thing normal, sociable people do. I'm totally going to try that next time!" Then we sat back down and Mr. Robinson called the roll. Oh Libbie, you were that girl! When I heard him call your name, I thought, "Wow! That's Libbie Henrie- and she's super nice!" And then I got mad at myself because I couldn't remember what your face looked like and I NEEDED to know right then. So I spent the rest of the hour trying to stare at you discretely. But you never turned in my direction.
Or maybe it was when I told you how upset Ms. Florechinger was about that racially-insensitive story "someone" (you) wrote about Mexicans making tamales to throw at the president. I wish I knew how to instill fear in you like that woman.
Kaitlyn: I hope you're not too insulted I don't remember meeting you for the first time. Sorry! You probably dazzled me, so it's not really my fault. I do remember how shocked I was when
you came over to our house and repeatedly called Carolyn a "whore." Catty, shocking, and deliciously provocative. I knew I liked you.And then you told Carolyn, "If you touch that [my beloved pet turtle Tony] we won't be friends anymore." I guess you're lucky you're a beautiful person (physically) living in a society that judges looks to be more important than kindness to animals and other small creatures, like children. Otherwise I might have to look past your sparkling exterior and decide if I like the person inside.
Libbie: I remember meeting you perfectly. I was, as usual, besides myself with excitement. Everyone on AcDec was thrilled to have you and Courtney told me how cool and funny and stylish you were and showed me the comment you wrote in her yearbook. I thought I was going to have to wait until AcDec sixth hour to meet you, but I was wrong! For the first
few days of our senior year, we had English together first hour. On the first day, Mr. Robinson had the class go pick up that ginormous packet of vocab words. I was last in line and the girl in front of me got hers and then turned to me. "Here." she said, smiling, and handed me a packet. I remember thinking, "That's the sort of casually friendly thing normal, sociable people do. I'm totally going to try that next time!" Then we sat back down and Mr. Robinson called the roll. Oh Libbie, you were that girl! When I heard him call your name, I thought, "Wow! That's Libbie Henrie- and she's super nice!" And then I got mad at myself because I couldn't remember what your face looked like and I NEEDED to know right then. So I spent the rest of the hour trying to stare at you discretely. But you never turned in my direction.
My next memory of you is a few weeks later, in Mr. Eply's room where we had those economics
lessons. I walked in late to hear you mocking a certain someone under the pretense of joking. But I knew better, I could feel your hatred because it was a twin version of my own. Even if I couldn't articulate it then, I think I knew you were destined to become an integral part of my life and well-being, like Simon Pegg or Arrested Development.
Molly: I think my first memory of you is from when we were about three. I very clearly remember coloring a picture with you in a corner of the living room. We were coloring in secret, on the lower shelf of the end table that's now in the den. I think the picture was for Mom's birthday. I remember telling you, "This is for Mom so it has to be really pretty." As in, only use purple and pink crayons to make a giant ugly scribble. Happy Birthday, Mom!
lessons. I walked in late to hear you mocking a certain someone under the pretense of joking. But I knew better, I could feel your hatred because it was a twin version of my own. Even if I couldn't articulate it then, I think I knew you were destined to become an integral part of my life and well-being, like Simon Pegg or Arrested Development.Molly: I think my first memory of you is from when we were about three. I very clearly remember coloring a picture with you in a corner of the living room. We were coloring in secret, on the lower shelf of the end table that's now in the den. I think the picture was for Mom's birthday. I remember telling you, "This is for Mom so it has to be really pretty." As in, only use purple and pink crayons to make a giant ugly scribble. Happy Birthday, Mom!
Rachel I don't remember that particular memory, but i can just imagine little bit Rachel with her short curly hair (Or was it a bowl cut then?) bossing me around even then. I can color with whatever I damn please, but it's sweet that you wanted to make it "pretty" for mom.
ReplyDeleteI can't say what my first memory is of you, but I do remember this one time...
You and I decided to to play hide and seek. Unfortunately our game was interrupted by lunch time. Since you were the one hiding, you were totally unaware of this fact. Like any self absorbed child, it did not occur to me to tell you to postpone our game. Halfway through lunch mom asked where you were. After that I don't really remember what happened, but I do know that you were hiding in the dryer! Mom was pretty mad about that.
Or I do remember when we decided to put as much shampoo as possible in my hair. If I remember correctly, mom made me wash it out with vinegar.
The first memory I have of you is Carolyn and I were swimming your pool and I tried to talk to you, but you gave me the who-the-hell-are-you-and-why-are-you-trying-to-talk-to-me look. So I gave up. You were wearing a skirt... I think that was they day you were getting braces or had braces... um... maybe I met you before that event. Good story though.
ReplyDeleteI remember when Carolyn told me one New Years Eve that my resolution should be to not say whore. It took a few years to break, but I think that habit is gone.
Oh that so would be the first memory you had of me. And I wasn't going to bring up the horrifying, life-altering trunk incident anyways. My first memory of you is in fact the first memory of my life. I remember sitting between Grandma and Grandpa Snair on the brown couch in the living room and Grandma and Grandpa Thomas were sitting opposite on the matching twin couch. I remember Mom coming through the doorway and holding this tiny baby with dark hair and saying, "This is Rachel". I also remember the first thought that went through my three-year old head was, "Oh sh*t". Just kidding. Funny that I remember you and not Molly since she came home earlier. That's Molly for you though, always slipping in and out of memory. Which reminds me, I need to find her Advair. You should really check out the AV Club today, my heart skipped a bit.
ReplyDeleteI've changed. People change. Changes… I'm not the same Libbie Henrie who participates in normal social behaviors like being polite to strangers in order to feel liked. I'm not the same Libbie Henrie who laughs at people that use their bare feet to pick up things… such as yourself. And I'm not the same Libbie Henrie who made numerous compulsive buys off of Amazon… last night.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm like a rest stop, and you've left me better than you found me.
I knew you guys would comment if I just waited long enough! Ta, from the bottom of me 'eart.
ReplyDeleteMolly, I remember combining every bottle of lotion, conditioner and shampoo in an attempt at efficiency (it's multi-purpose!). Mom was super pissed when she found out but I don't remember what she did.
Kaitlyn, I don't remember that but that's the sort of glaringly unfriendly thing I'd expect from my 14-year-old and current self. Maybe I should make a resolution to be more personable but I think fighting your nature is asking to fail. I have to say, though, I haven't heard you say "whore" in quite some time. Cogradu-freaking-lations.
Dear Rachel, This is Mom now commenting under Carolyn's account. I STILL haven't remembered my G-mail. No surprise there. OK, I am commenting on your swear blog. Very educational. As your mother I'm going to tell you that nice girls don't swear. That must be why we started a swear jar. I swear I won't swear anymore. Although I have to say stuff you sounds like it could be useful phrase as in get stuffed! I'm not doing that! Love Mom
ReplyDelete